How to Respond to Ghosting in a Relationship covered recognizing ghosting and what to do when and if it happens to you.
At some point, a ghost will always reappear. It’s inevitable.
No matter what they say before they disappear or how badly they treated you before disappearing, they will always reappear.
Why Do Ghosters Reappear?
Why would a ghost reappear? They disappeared because they believe you suck, right?
Most of the time, there is only one reason why a ghost would reappear.
They need life energy to suck on and they hope you’re still in a vulnerable place where you’ll allow them to do just that.
Don’t fall for it. A ghost only knows how to do what a ghost does best – disappear.
They might apologize. They might act like they’re still “in love” with you. They might try to “love rush” you to confuse you.
It never lasts. It’s only a matter of time before the disappearing act happens again.
What to Say When a Ghoster Comes Back?
So, what do you say when a ghost reappears? How do you respond? How do you react? How are you supposed to feel?
I remember when my ghoster reappeared via email. I was all in a flurry and so shocked.
I stared at the email for about half an hour wondering if Gmail accidentally bubbled an old email to the top of my inbox.
I signed out and signed in again then I refreshed my inbox but nope, it was still there.
An email with four loaded words, “How are you doing?”
For some reason, most of the time, this is the message ghosters send when they try to reinsert themselves into your life.
They must have some kind of mental to-do manual accessible only after they’ve behaved like a shitty human being.
1. Do Not Respond Immediately
You might get all warm and gooey inside and start typing a hurried response. Please don’t.
Do not respond immediately. Whatever the form of contacting you is – text, email, social media, mutual friends, your siblings, etc.
Do not respond immediately. Take a step back and do some crucial thinking.
2. Don’t Go Down Memory Lane
For the love of all that is good, please don’t go down memory lane.
Don’t travel down the yellow brick road and up the rainbow to that time he climbed 4 mountains to bring you a rose.
Or that time he drove across town to find you a bar of chocolate.
Or that other time he slew a dragon to win your hand or whatever.
However perfect the memories were, do not forget that this is someone that disappeared on you without a word.
Went DEFCON radio silence like the world ended type of disappearance.
Feel yourself traveling to the past? Give yourself a little smack across the face. Just to reset your brain cells to the present.
3. Think About What You Want
Ok, your ghoster reappeared. What do you want? You want him back? Why do you want him back?
This is someone that thought so little of you, they disappeared without a word.
Unless he was abducted by aliens for an anal probe to save the universe, there is no excuse for that behavior.
You should not let anyone get away with treating you like this.
It doesn’t matter if you think you’re still in love. You cannot control your feelings but you can control how you react to them.
If you want someone that treated you this way back, then you need to look within yourself and work on your self-esteem.
Maybe you don’t want him back but you want to yell at him?
Why is he worth that effort and dragging up emotional energy? You think you need closure?
Read How to Let Go of a Toxic Relationship for everything you need to know about closure.
Whatever you decide, think long and hard before you let someone like this back into your emotional and mental space.
4. It’s OK Not To Respond To a Ghoster
It’s perfectly OK not to respond or engage a ghoster.
If you blocked him when he ghosted, he shouldn’t be able to get in touch with you anyway.
But just in case he does, feel free to not respond and block him there as well.
Your lifespan will not be shortened.
Your quality of life will not be reduced.
Your happiness will not disappear if you choose to just not respond.
By responding with the reverberation of silence, you have communicated more than words ever can.
5. What’s Your Gut Saying?
I mean your mental guts, your instinct. Not your hormonal guts where the memories of wild sex romps are stored.
Listen to your instincts. They do not lie. Is it telling you to run a mile?
Is it telling you you’re trying to come up with excuses to engage your ghoster?
Listen, heed, and act accordingly. You are the most important person in this equation.
6. But I Want to Respond
OK. You’re curious about what he’s been up to.
You’re in a place emotionally where you feel you’ve moved past the hurt and can carry on a civil conversation.
I feel ya. Been there before.
But remember what I wrote above about why most ghosters reappear.
Casual chats can lead to manipulation. Before you know what’s what, it’s happening again.
If you feel you’re emotionally resilient enough to deal with it, then by all means engage but to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
7. I Want to Know Why He Ghosted Me
When I was ghosted, this question and many other why’s tormented me for months.
Why did he do it? What did I do? Why would he treat me this way? Why? Why? Why? I was obsessed with why.
Then, one day, I realized it didn’t matter. I simply moved on from it and focused on myself.
The disappearance without a word is all the closure you need and the answer you need to all the why’s.
You were ghosted because you weren’t important enough. You were ghosted because you didn’t matter enough.
If you do decide to re-engage your ghoster, it’s important to communicate how their behavior made you feel and what it did to you.
Do not pretend you didn’t care or it wasn’t that big a deal. By doing that, you’re laying the ammunition for another ghosting experience.
How Long Until a Ghoster Comes Back?
There isn’t a specific timeline on this. A ghoster can come back after a few weeks, months, or even years.
You can be sure of one thing though – a ghoster will always reappear at that exact moment when your life is the bee’s knees.
Why? Proof that Satan never sleeps.
You should not be focusing on the return of a ghoster. You should be focusing on working on yourself and moving on.
Is He Ghosting or He Just Needs Space?
He could need space but you know what an adult that needs space does?
They COMMUNICATE it to you. They don’t just disappear on you without a word.
Someone who needs space but stops communicating with you and cuts you off without a word has ghosted you.
It’s semantics so don’t try to justify it to yourself. You deserve better.
By standing your ground and communicating that you place a lot of value on yourself, a ghoster will not be able to stand in the light of your energy.
Anna started Love & Self-esteem as an avenue to create a safe space for better and stronger relationships via personal and emotional empowerment because love shouldn’t feel like work.